Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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