And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
