You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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