Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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