I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
