i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
