Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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