he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
