so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
