Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
