Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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