Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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