life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
now i know why i became what i already was.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
