Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i think i just lost a toe
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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