oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
