I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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