dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
