I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It's just like the Real World with babies
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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