I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
