do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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