she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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