I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
