its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
