i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize