I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
