So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
