you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
