did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
