Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
