Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I deserve this hangover.
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