I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
