question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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