i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
