I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
