Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
