Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I looked at my own cervix.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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