I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
