Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Thank you for not boning my boss.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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