He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
