So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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