took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
