dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
