plz talk dirty to me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize