I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
