After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
