I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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