I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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