You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
This toilet bowl is my home.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
