So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i need some magic done to my vagina
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
