How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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