Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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