the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
