Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
