Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize