I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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