end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
