so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
