You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
