Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I bet he comes in French.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Sorry my hands just texted you
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
