At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
