So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
