my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
