You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
