I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
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