everyone is single if you try hard enough
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
