I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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