Tell her she can't have a vagina
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
my poor anus
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
