Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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