You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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