good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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