Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
