Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Still dying that you shit outside
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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