How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
