yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
